What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
