I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize