I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
