Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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