White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
