Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Bring me that man meat
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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