I think I won the penis lottery.
and she was petting her beer can
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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