I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
