She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
