I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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