this beer tastes like vomit already
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
