No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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