My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dick very happy bro
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
