Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
