I wanna bring you to show and tell
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize