were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
