If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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