Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
