I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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