This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
