haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
