the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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