I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
