Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize