I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
