Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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