i would punch a child for taco bell
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize