IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
