she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
