Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
