You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
