Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
