I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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