No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
