He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
only you would photoshop your dick
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sorry about my life...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize