I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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