So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
nutella sex= disaster
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
