vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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