NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
