I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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