My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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