walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
