It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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