She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
