Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
