You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize