anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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