Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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