how can u be prego again
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
