so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
