he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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