All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
