sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
