you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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