this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
