Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
