windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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