She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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