you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
