i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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