every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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