My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How's work?
Spinning.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
