I need help removing her.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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