hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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