I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Im part way to drunk.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
