I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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