Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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