And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
