dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
