Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
cat food counts as protein by the way
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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