she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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