This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
