When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
