I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
