Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
