my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
