I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
