I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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