i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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